Important Note to Self: THINK, mull, ruminate before you write. AND then READ what you write.

I apologize that the English in my last post was SO SCREWED. I got carried away by the surge of complicated emotions and I worte some terrible crap. Sorry!

What I really wanted to say was this:

I have a feeling that a lot many things in my life have come a full circle and now another
circle has emerged from within the first one and it seems
it will continue expanding till I complete yet another full
circle and then some.

Is this life? One wave after another; One tide after another; One
circle within another and each one pushing me forward slightly,
towards a life unknown?
Probably towards a different me?

On Coming Full Circle And Coming To Terms.

Last week has been very draining, emotionally and physically. It has been a strange week...made me believe in Karma, made me come to terms with a lot of unresolved issues in my life. I felt that things in life came a full circle and then a new circle has emerged from within it and continues expanding till I complete another full circle.

Is this life? One wave after another; One circle in another and each pushing me forward, towards things unsaid, things unknown...?

Another Random Blog-post About My Teaching (In)Abilities...

I cannot teach what I know. I only teach what I have learnt.



Knowing is innate. It is instinctive. It is the "gut" feeling. Sometimes I just know things. I cannot trace it back to any text, any reference, anything I have seen, any thing I have experienced, any conversation with anyone ever, but I can be dead certain of its authenticity. In fact I would believe in my known more than I would trust my learnt. I would go as far as fight for what I know. And for me this what-ever-it-is is inexplicable. Where does this know originate? Why do I stand by it so fiercely? How does it happen that 90 out of 100 times, what I know is accurate?

Why is it that I cannot teach something I know? Why is it so hard?

Probably, when people don't understand each other, or their wavelengths differ, it is the difference in these innate abilities which are responsible I think. What has been built in an individual is distinctly different; there is hard-core, factual evidence for that. Learning is acquired. It needs an activating event to trigger the intiation of the process. It something one collects, computes and stores in memory cells, ready to use whenever called up on at a later date. Even then, there is the sifting process by which one remembers what one has learnt, only very selectively. Learning, might seem difficult. According to me, it can be passed on rather easily.

In knowing and learning things, I've found a pattern. They are both a function of time; active or passive. At this stage, it is still difficult for me to define them individually, but I have a vague sense that what I am saying should make sense somehow, in time. It's just that I cannot explain it right now. And I think I cannot put it in words because this whole theory or hypothesis that I've formulated in my brain is something I "know". Had I learnt this, I would have a vocabulary and references ready.

A lot of meditation, a lot of thought still needs to be given to these random hypotheses I have in my mind. I need a structure, a logical theory, a formula of sorts to explain these things to myself...to convert innate knowledge to acquired knowledge, and ultimately become a better teacher both to self and non-self students. :D

The Best Geek Ad Ever!

Note for the uninitiated:
PCR a.k.a Polymerase Chain Reaction is one of the most significant discoveries in modern Biology.

Lyrics of "The PCR Song"

There was a time when to amplify DNA,
You had to grow tons and tons of tiny cells.

Then along came a guy named Dr. Kary Mullis,
Said you can amplify in vitro just as well.

Just mix your template with a buffer and some primers,
Nucleotides and polymerases, too.

Denaturing, annealing, and extending.
Well it’s amazing what heating and cooling and heating will do.

PCR, when you need to detect mutations.
PCR, when you need to recombine.
PCR, when you need to find out who the daddy is.
PCR, when you need to solve a crime.

me and cummings

my mind and i stared for long
thought not for too long
to be some else i am not
i wondered then was i
nor sane nor abstract(for i
believed i was)not more not far
to be him was to be not me
i am rightful to me
for in the end what is left for me is me

anyone lived in a pretty how town
- e e cummings

anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did

Women and men (both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)they
said their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.

Women and men(both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

i carry your heart with me
- e e cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

somewhere i have never travelled
- e e cummings

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands


---

That's All Folks!

What Do I Know?

What does it take to write? An idea? An inspiration? A frame of mind? What? What? I mean, why is it so hard to think of something worthwhile, when I spend so much of my waking hours pondering over trivial (and sometimes not-so trivial) issues?

What about that thing Rene Descartes said, “I think; therefore I am”? Am I not? Really?! I am thinking about it, aren’t I? Therefore that implies I am. But, is that what I want to think about…whether I am or am not? I want to think about other things that really need my thoughts, for example, say saving the world! Well, I am thinking about thinking, but not really thinking. Is that a waste of time? Am I rambling? Yes, I am. So, that definitively confirms I am. So now that that is out of the way, what am I? A product of this sadistic society? A product of the bourgeoisie, who disclaim it? A product of my peers’ influence? A product of my own thoughts? Or all of the above? Or none of the above? Or am I not a product yet? Do I have to pass through Quality Check, Quality Control before I can actually think and be taken seriously? Do I need an approval? Why do I need an approval? Do I care if I am approved? Who approves of anything anyways? Does approval/disapproval affect my thoughts, my thinking process? Will I become a better person if I am approved before thinking? Does thinking right really matter, at all? What is thinking right? What is right? What is wrong? I can decide, if I think.

But, what if I am denied the freedom of thinking?…whatever you call Right is right, right?!



Everyday, I see the predicament my girls suffer…. deprived of their most basic freedom and utterly uncertain of everything. It disturbs me, immensely.

Discovery for the day:
Death Cab for Cutie are f***ing awesome! Why didn't I listen to their music earlier?!
*sigh*

Ladies and Gentlemen...

Someday You Will Be Loved - Death Cab for Cutie



I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved

Bert Haanstra

I heart YouTube!

Who is Bert Haanstra?!

Glas (1958):


Zoo (1962): (Part - 1)


Zoo (1962): (Part - 2)


:D :D :D

Day!

Gems, I tell you. All my students. (Not Cadbury's Gems, that being the case...I would've liked them better, or not, or I'm unconformed on the issue.) Today's topic of discussion in my class was about hereditary metabolic disorders that can be identified and studied using cell cultures. After rambling for an hour about how certain cells have mutated genes, how that leads to non-expression of enzymes vital for cell metabolism, therefore rendering the cell incapable of functioning properly, causing the disorder.
For every class I take, I have a different pet phrase. Today it happened to be "cells lack" so-and-so enzymes, therefore they suffer from so-and-so disorder.
[Cells lacking the enzyme X, cause a metabolic disorder Y. Any further questions on the matter, email me, I'll be more than glad to be of help! :P !]
So, I am sitting in the lab, and a girl from my TY class comes and says, "Ma'am, we are lacking in journal papers, can you please give them to us?!" (Biotenglish Syndrome?! Well we will have to see about that.) I SO wanted to burst out laughing then-and-there. But according to the stupid Teachers' Code (and I don't know it really exists, or if other teachers abide by it) I cannot, rather should not be laughing at anything that my students say or ask, however ridiculous it might be. Don't get me wrong here, I am perfectly OK with them asking me outrageously stupid technical questions. I am ready to answer them all, mind you, with a very open mind. But saying foolish things as is the case, I have to try really hard to contain my laughter inside ...So, keeping with the code, I made a face, moved my tongue around in my mouth as if my molars had food stuck in them and wrote it down in my to-do diary for cheering me up whenever I need some cheering. Desperate measures for those desperately hopeless times. [I know what you are thinking! Don't get all judgemental on me, OK!?! ]



More, I supervised my first test. FY students appearing for Biochemistry test, 20 marks Internal Exam. I cannot begin expressing how kicked I was by the whole darned thing!
I was generally very excited. Almost felt juvenile. Like I was a school kid playing teacher-teacher. Going to the class, distributing papers, being strict (I enjoyed that the BEST!), collecting answer-sheets, you get the picture!
All through the test, while my students were busy writing answers, I was smiling to myself! (Giggling inwardly) I haven't felt this child-ish in loooonng time. It feels good.
[Mental Note to Self #1: Do juvenile things more often :D]



On the Department notice board, my name is prefixed by Prof. All you non-teacher people, you have NO idea how cool it sounds/feels! It made my day!
Ah! Such are the little pleasures of teaching in India. (Seriously, where else in the world will you find a 6 month old teacher being called that?!)



Today was honestly, a very nice day, ignoring the fact that I *almost* hurt all my body parts in ONE day. Bumped my head on the cupboard door, I think they'll have to replace the door. Burnt 2 fingers, thumb and the middle finger, just the memory of which makes me want to hold it out to noone in particular. I got a sore toe, thanks to my iPod. Yes, that is possible, anything is possible. AND to top it all my back still hurts as hell from my workout going horribly wrong!
[Mental Note #2: When you have a good day, leave it at that!]


Anyhoo...
:)
:P
:D
LOL
I'm happy!