Graduate Applications and Me

It's strange how so many graduate applicants go through similar emotions and actions and yet pretend so well their utter clueless-ness about the existence of "the others".
I am not saying there should be a support group, trust me there are many, I just want to feel that I am the only ONE, that only MY life is unfair, only I have BIG problems, only I have to face these horrible pressures and scrutiny...
All of that just so that I can say "Gah! Life! *sigh*" and move on happily. But they won't even give the pleasure of feeling that!! I'm done with praising myself, done with being overtly polite to strangers, done with asking for favours, done with filling out idiotic forms, done with worrying about the stupid "to be or not to be", the meaning of which I only truly comprehend now, I'm done with being pushed around by dumb-ass nothings and nobodys, I'm just done with it all!
I want to yell, I want to scream, I want to vent all the vex, all the anxiety, all the unwanted tensions. I want to crib! that I am the only one poor little soul on this planet who desperately needs, more than needs, deserves a break! and a BIG BREAK at that, not one of those the Kit-Kat breaks. I can't have those, I'll put on too much weight.

Now that my GradApplications are *almost* over, I want to do something crazy; colour my hair pink, may be run-away to an exotic island all by myself, jump off a cliff and then realize I can fly, or may be I'll just get a tattoo. Nah! I'm scared at the sight of the needle. Everytime I watch "Miami Ink", I feel like getting a funky tattoo, you know, one on the back of my shoulder, a bar-code with the Fibonacci sequence, wouldn't that be just cool!?! I wish I had that thing that you need to have to get a tattoo, or for that matter get anything that has even the remotest hint of being permanent. For now, the only thing that has a permanent mark on it, is my PhD *plan*. I guess, everything else can wait, or not, or whatever!

P H D

Piled Higher Deeper...